“I like it better in my room, my computer never disagrees with me,” I said to Marc following his seventh dismissive head nod. Such is the difference between writing a movie and making a movie. No matter how many sleepless nights I may have spent reworking, reshaping and reorganizing this little tale of mine, the truth is that film is a director’s medium. My massively overcompensating and yet surprisingly fragile ego may beg to differ, but at the end of the day, I’m not the one yelling, “Action” – and that’s the way it should be.

I showed up on the set determined not to be a screenwriter cliché (anymore than I already am) and met my first test less than an hour in. “I need you to rewrite the balcony scene.” “Okay, why?” “I ditched the sketchbook; I want Alison to go through the pictures in her camera instead.” “But the sketchbook was the lead-in to Matt and Alison’s conversation, not to mention the introduction of an important thematic prop.” “Right, we’re going with the camera.” That’s it. End of discussion? You can’t change something so integral to a scene on a whim. Who is this hack?

I’m going to stop here and admit a horrible indulgence. Left to my own devices, I will justify an entire page to save one line and/or exchange that I love (if you’re familiar with the parking lot scene in Brotherhood Pictures’ little art-house masterpiece Hiding in the Open, you’ll know this conceit isn’t specific to writers). In the scripted balcony scene, Alison asks Matt for a pen. The exchange goes like this:

Matt – “Make sure I get that back, it’s my lucky pen.”
Alison – “What’s lucky about it?”
Matt – “My grandfather stormed the beaches of Normandy with it tucked behind his ear.”
Alison [skeptical] – “Really?”
Matt – “No. I bought a pack of ten last week; it’s the only one I have left.”

How was I going to get my line in without the sketchbook? You don’t need a pen for a camera. Am I the only one that appreciates this? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Couple that catastrophic loss with the overworked accountant in my head subconsciously tallying every minute I agonized over those five lines and you’ll understand just how egregiously I had been slighted.

This is why writers are rightfully kicked off sets.

- Josh